Here I am, same time of year, faced with another reason not to write..

Last year I was on day 3 of NaNo when the ovarian cysts hit.. It was pretty major..

This year my kinda grandmother passed away.. That sucks in and of itself.. I’ve been a little sad, a little teary when I get alone..

But the shit part is that I can’t make the funeral. They’re having it in Tennessee where she grew up, which totally makes sense, but it means that instead of an hour or two away from training, it would be a whole day.. My mom and sister are going, but I get to stay here and be queen asshole of the world and not be there for my family..

I don’t get to be there for the woman that took care of my grandmother as she was dying, put up with my dad’s bullshit for years, and still had plenty of love left for us.

Because I have to make a fucking living.. I have to scrape enough cash together to make bills, and maybe have a buck or two left in checking at the end of the month..

I’ve been working very hard for a very long time and haven’t been getting what I need, much less anything that I want.. I can’t even be there for my family for a goddamn funeral.

I’ve been in survival mode.

Survival mode is not conducive to writing great fiction.

Add to that various other things like training, various personal peeves, the house falling apart, and I just can’t bring myself to write more than a couple hundred words here and there.

I know I’ll kick myself repeatedly and feel even worse if I don’t finish it this year, and I AM still trying.. I just honestly don’t know if I have what it takes right now..


One response to “Na-NOT!!

  1. Quit beating your self up!! Nothing is perfect in life. Your doing a great job at writing and thats your passion, go with it….Peace be with you and your inner demons…..

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