Tarot Reading 12/8/2013

It’s been a while since I’ve done a tarot reading for myself, and so I thought I would do a general reading just asking about the year ahead.  I didn’t focus on work, relationships, money, creativity, health, or any of the other things that occupy my every waking minute, I decided to just let the cards show me what the general focus would be.  To that end, I did a 12 month wheel spread, beginning at the top with January.

(Note, though I don’t really read reversed cards, I have a lot in this reading.  8 to be exact.  Will note which ones are reversed and examine that later, perhaps during the months themselves.)  Overall, I have 4 wand/fire cards, 2 chalice/water cards, 2 sword/air cards, 2 pentacle/earth cards, and 2 major arcana cards.

I’m just reading the ‘focus’ section from Tarot Made Easy by Nancy Garen.

Tarot Reading, Dec 2013

January:  King of Cups (Water)- Focus is on activities centering around the home or a business that you can do out of your home, financial independence; day-dreaming about love and romance, and/or a person with a Cancerian type of temperament.

February:  Page of Wands (Potential) REVERSED- Focus is on inventory and analysis; philosophical, spiritual, and work-related ideas, discussions and activities; the desire for expansion; sexual attraction, new beginnings, and/or a person with a Sagittarian-type temperament.

March:  Ace of Discs (Abundance) REVERSED- Focus is on continuation and/or things that come together later on; new things replacing old; investments of time or money; potential partners or partnerships; and pleasure, satisfaction, and prosperity.

April:  Queen of Discs (Expression) REVERSED- Focus is on hopes, wishes, and aspirations; verification and tangible results; compassion for or service to mankind (or the ministry); finance and profit; and/or a person with an Aquarian-type temperament.

May:  10 of Swords (Disillusion)- Focus is on unfinished business or conditions that have become stagnant and must be cleaned up, cleared away, or corrected before any further progress can be made, be it in yourself, your family, your home, your business, or your community.

June:  Ace of Wands (Creativity) REVERSED- Focus is on potential, that which could be or is about to  be, increased business or social activities, and new avenues of fulfillment or promise that come in from out of the blue.

July:  4 of Swords (Rest)  REVERSED- Focus is on activity, with special emphasis on printed materials such as letters, papers, and graphs, as well as money matters, social affairs, self-promotion, and starting or renewing a business of your own.

August:  6 of Wands (Success)- Focus is on a period of frustration, tension, or anxiety caused by intolerable conditions or restrictions placed on you by time or circumstance; also by things that break, snag, fall apart, or just don’t gel the way you want them to.  (This one doesn’t seem right according to the picture in the book, OR the picture on my card.)

September:  1 The High Priest- Focus is on new beginnings, manifesting desires, love’s urgings, houses or property, finance, and the future.

October:  6 of Cups (Nostalgia) REVERSED- Focus is on environmental changes, comings or goings, short trips or jaunts, friends, lovers, relatives, nostalgia, work or employment.

November:  3 The Lady REVERSED-  Focus is on passive rather than active activities; feelings, emotions, inner promptings, and intuition, self-expression, socializing, or connecting; short- or long-distance trips; and “being” rather than “doing”.

December:  4 of Wands (Development) REVERSED- Focus is on a “mulligan stew” of experiences, with special energy directed toward interpersonal relationships, communications, particpation, short or long distance trips, and/or the quest for enlightenment.

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Then I drew cards for specialized questions, asking about these things:

Health:  6 of Discs (Bounty)- (Read the physical body description)  Guard against accidents on the home front and be careful of what you eat…  you could harm yourself or experience a life-threatening situation.  (yay?  :-/)

Love:  Knight of Discs (Husbandry)  (Read the romance section)  You will experience apprehension or disquiet over a schedule because you’ll feel it will wipe out your chances for a relationship; and/or you will intuitively sense that which is to come.  (This picture looks a LOT like Bear.  He’s also a Capricorn, soooo…)

Career:  7 of Discs (Prudence)  (Read the work/career section)  You’ll be dissatisfied with your progress and experience anxiety about your business or financial state, and will want to be much more successful or solvent.  (duh..)

(I love that they’re all discs/earth cards!)

2012 in review

English: Snowy forest track. The tree cover ha...

English: Snowy forest track. The tree cover had insulated the late snow from melting, so the snow was deeper here than outside the wood. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2012 has been a rough year.  I have been broken and rebuilt in ways that have stunned me, and I feel like I need to record it all here.  Maybe that will make it all seem less surreal, less like a movie of someone else’s life.

January: Lost my job.  I trained throughout November and part of December to do tech support from home, but because of various factors, it was too stressful.  So stressful, in fact, that I got very, very sick.  So sick, in fact, that I couldn’t talk on the phone, and was therefore useless for this particular job.  Also, J moved here to be with us in a romantic triad.

February: Found my current job and realized how difficult it is on my body.  It’s very low pay, very low skill, and very physical.  It’s certainly not where I thought I would work at this age, but it’s getting me by.  Also, my aunt (stepmom’s sister) passed away.  I went to the funeral and saw my stepmom for the first time in over a year.  She’s pretty much made it clear that she’s not interested in me or my life, (she thinks I need saving *eyeroll*) so it was a bit strained.

April: We began to realize that things weren’t working out with J, despite the fact that we all care a lot for each other.

May: In early May, Bear’s aunt (whom he was very close to) passed away.  We went to Md for the funeral, and that killed us a bit financially.  Also, when we returned, we realized that it was time to part ways with J.  Bear and I had been trying so hard to make things work that we had lost touch with  each other.  Ironically, we reconnected during our time in Md.  We had ‘the talk’, and J admitted to just not feeling it with us.  It was devastating at the time, but ultimately the best thing for all of us.

Later May: Bear just started feeling poorly.  REALLY poorly.  He just wasn’t himself.  He was pale, tired, splotchy, and the final straw was when he couldn’t hold a conversation without falling asleep in the middle.  He had also been having some serious sleep apnea, which he’d never really shown any signs of before.  It was terrifying.  So I dragged him to the hospital.  He was having a heart attack.  A very serious, very severe heart attack.  It just didn’t look like what you would think of as a typical heart attack because he’s so young.

It was the single most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me.  I had to face the possibility that he wouldn’t be with me, and just typing that makes me want to cry.  He had 4 blockages in the 3 main arteries into the heart.  There were 3 100% blockages and 1 95%  blockage.  The reality is that he’s extremely lucky to be alive right now, 4 stents later.

June: We began to radically change how we eat.  It was great, and I wish we had the $$ to eat as healthy as we were.  It’s our goal to get back to that.  We also learned to deal with the reality of Bear’s diabetes, high blood pressure, and all the piles of pills he would need to take from now on.  Things were still difficult with J, as I was a bit confused about what exactly had gone wrong.  I doubted myself a lot.

August: Worries about losing our house.  It’s a long story, and I think that we’ve pretty much gotten through it, but it caused SO many sleepless nights.

September: Our Dragon*Con wedding and a visit from Bear’s dad and uncle.  This was all GOOD stress, but stress nonetheless.  Continued worries about losing the house and worries about Bear losing his job.

October: My ex had a massive stroke and passed away a few days before Samhain.  It was devastating.  We grew up together.  We were together for 7 years, engaged for 5, and though I didn’t get a chance to talk to him much, I always knew that we could pick up the conversation right where we left off at any time.  He knew me from a time before I knew myself, and being with him helped shape me into who I am now.  I still can’t believe he’s gone.  😦

Second week of October, I came down with what seemed to be a small cold, and which I’m still suffering from now.  Twice now it’s moved into pneumonia territory, and I think that’s where I’m at right now.  Lots of middle-of-the-night coughing fits resulting in sleeping upright on the couch.  Lots of worrying about how to deal with it with no insurance.  😦

November: We finally met someone that we wanted to date, but she turned out to be crazy.  It was very disappointing, but obviously we just weren’t suited for each other.  Also, a catastrophic fight with my mother which confirmed that she is someone that I can’t rely on and that any little thing I say to her will be used against me in the future.  She can’t support me as an adult, and doesn’t even understand what my life is about.  She always sees the very worst in me.  I can’t talk to my sister, either, because anything I say to her will immediately get back to my mother.  Continued sickness, continued house worries, still fighting fleas.

Also, my uncle passed.  He was the last person left on that side of the family.  Now there are assorted cousins I really don’t have anything to do with, but my Dad and his family are all gone now.

December: The month of working.  And being sick.  And money worries.  And failing at Xmas.  And exhaustion.  I’m beginning to believe that Xmas is designed to make me feel completely inadequate in every way.

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There were good things that happened this year as well.

  • I appreciate my husband even more than I ever thought possible.  He’s the solid, good thing in my life, and I get to keep him.  I also got to marry him.  I’m a lucky bitch.
  • We found out who our friends are.  Some people who we thought were our best friends, couldn’t be bothered to show up for Bear when he was in the hospital.  Some friends who we thought were good friends were actually GREAT friends.  They showed up for him.  We learned the difference.  One friend even got ordained so that she could marry us.
  • We found the most amazing friend in J.  He was there for us in a way that means he’ll be in our lives and hearts forever.  He could have cut and run at any time, but he helped me through the worst time in our lives.
  • We learned a lot about health and lost about 25 lbs each.  We had to start eating cheap, and put a LITTLE of that back on, but we’re ready to get healthier and feel better in 2013.
  • Bear began his voice acting career in earnest.  He did a radio play in December, and he’s been auditioning for audio books and radio plays online.
  • Things seem good with someone that we’ve recently started seeing.  She’s sexy, sweet, honest, and seems interested in building something lasting with us.  I’m feeling VERY positive about having a lot of fun and new experiences with her.
  • I found my spirituality again.  It’s kind of one of those things that ebbs and flows, but it’s flowed back in a big way.  In addition, Bear and I have started talking seriously about starting an incense business.

Sadly, I didn’t get the writing done that I wanted to do.  I honestly just couldn’t drum up the energy for it.  I was spending so much time in survival mode, that everything else took a back seat.  I also just settled into my job.  I need to find something else, but again, survival mode.

As much as I went through in 2012, I really do have higher hopes for 2013.  I have goals, and I’ll be writing them in a separate post.

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