Characterization and multiple personality disorder

I had a revelation today that shouldn’t have been a revelation. All of my characters are really part of my own personality. I don’t know why that didn’t occur to me before.

I mean, honestly.. Don’t ALL writers do that? Don’t we all take part of our consciousness and spill it out into a page in some way or another? And don’t we all end up writing facets of our own personalities?

In terms of an astrological chart, I think I’ve figured it out. Vine is my sun sign, Bear is my ascendant. Vesta is my moon, while Rowan is my Mercury and Trixie is my Venus. Liam is my Mars, June is Jupiter, and Aggie and Branwyn both share the dubious distinction of being my Saturn sides. As for the rest of the planets, I’m sure they’re there too.

I should really do an astrological chart for Vine. *ponders*

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What brought about this revelation is a short story that I began noodling out on my way to work today. I had a great line in mind, and I developed it as I drove. I think it’s kind of fabulous, and it really sums up how I’ve been feeling lately. In short, it’s negative, self-pitying, and all of those dark gooey things that we don’t like to admit to.

As I began to write it, I realized that it was an attempt to work some of that stuff out of my subconscious. And the only person who could have said these things was Aggie. It occurred to me that she’s my Saturn. She’s the limitations that I impose on myself and that life imposes on me. She’s the person who goes through all the personal tragedy and loss, and she’s one tough bitch because of it. But it hasn’t left her without a certain amount of bitterness.

And in this story, she’s experiencing yet another loss. She’s trying to make light of it with a messed-up metaphor, and it’s barely concealing the fact that she’s feeling helpless. But instead of crying and flailing, she tries to make a joke and drinks another sip of scotch.

I can really relate to it right now. And I think now that I know what I’m doing (as far as working out personal things through her), it will be helpful for me. I also think that having a drink or two while I’m writing it will help. It’s definitely a story that I need to relax into. My hope is that it doesn’t become a pity-fest, but that it becomes its own, fully-realized short story. We shall see.

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So here’s a goat for Aggie. And for me. And for all the shit that we’ve gone through.

Gathering ingredients for Samhain incense

My husband is lovely.  Simply lovely.  He truly is the best thing in my life.  And when I asked him yesterday if he would like to go to the cemetery with me to gather some ingredients for incense, he didn’t hesitate.  He was even a bit excited for another one of my cemetery adventures.

Cypress

A gravesite being taken over by a leaning cypress tree

He gave me space to meditate and commune with the trees to ask if I could use some of their materials for my incense, and he held what I had collected while I went on my mad search to find the next thing I needed.  Did I mention that he was sick and felt gnarly the whole time?  He’s lovely.

At any rate, I haven’t decided if I’m going to list my entire ingredient roster here, since I have a dream of one day hawking my incense wares on ETSY or some similar forum.  But I will show what I got on my collecting trip.

Ingredients

This is the stuff I gathered for my Samhain incense and altar

I got some graveyard dirt (and quartz and acorns and a shard of milk glass) to put into a small jar to keep on the altar.  I also got some leaves from a live oak, and cypress needles and bark.  The cypress smells soooooo good!  Those will all go into my incense.

Unrelated to the Samhain incense, I also got some lovely, crispy-dry hop flowers from an unnamed source.  Hops are great for anything having to do with sleep or relaxation.  They may find their way into a dream pillow at some point.

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On Figment a few days ago, there was a contest where you were asked to describe a totem in 33 words.  I seriously thought about it, and while I decided not to enter the contest, I did consider totems in my world, and which character would benefit from something of that nature.  Vine weaves charms into her dreadlocks as she moves along on her journey, and that was what sprang to mind immediately.  However, I began to think about some of the more peripheral characters, and dreamt up a short story for a character that’s dedicated to Cernunnos.  I’m feeling especially drawn to Cernunnos right now, probably due to the time of the year, and it seemed to write itself.  Now to type it out.  🙂

Vine- Character sketch

VINE  (Capricorn)

Smells like: Rosewood

Patron deity:  It’s a surprise!

Color: Green, midnight blue, black

Music: World fusion

Food: Candy

Animal: Toad

Number: 8

Tree: Birch

Style: Colorful, crafty/punk, leather Domme when she dresses up

Eye Color: Grey blue → midnight blue

Hair Color: Blue → purple → iridescent black

Skin Color: Pale

Car: 1995 Jeep grand cherokee

House: Sprawling English manor, grey stone, lush gardens at the end of a long, gravel driveway

Distinguishing Characteristics: Dorky, sarcastic, fiercely protective of her family,

Job: Photography

Hobbies: Photography, watching horror movies, reading, brewing, gardening

Relationships: Partners are Bear and Trixie

Sexuality: Pansexual

Bad Habits: Candy, drinking, food as comfort, smothering people she cares about by trying to take care of them.

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This is one of my reference photos.  Click the photo for a link to the original page.

Vine- a reference picture

Vine- a reference picture

 

Throw about 10 years and 50 lbs on her, and you’ll be pretty close.  🙂

Response to a daily writing prompt- Bells

This daily writing prompt was added as part of the TWWS group on Live Journal.  This was my response.  (To be fair, it took me about 16 minutes.)

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Write for ten minutes on the topic: bells.

 

Trixie rose unsteadily to her feet. She was barefoot, naked, vulnerable. She was used to wearing beautiful things, high heels, makeup. But she wanted to come to her new Goddess completely bare. She wanted to give herself completely to Inanna without any pretensions or masks.

She had just recently decided to begin transitioning. There were still things that she didn’t love about her body. She still had square shoulders, muscular arms, and the thin hips of a man. But you could also tell that the hormones were beginning to kick in.

She was getting softer. Her voice was getting a touch higher. Her face was filling in a bit. And she had never been happier. She felt that it was part of her calling, and that she was finally becoming the Trixie that she was meant to be.

She flipped her long, black hair over her shoulder, and leaned down to make one small adjustment. Though she was naked, unadorned, she did allow herself the vanity of a few accessories. Namely, strings of bells tied around her ankles. She hoped that they would provide a musical accompaniment for her dance. She hoped that they would enhance her offering, and she somehow knew that Inanna would approve.

She crossed to the stereo, and scrolled through her iPod. There was one song in particular that called to her. She had always wanted to experience the song through movement, and this was as fitting a time to do that as any. It was a very low, rhythmic drumming with waves of droning behind it. It sped up to a crescendo, the droning becoming a chant, and finally a supplication, and it had always reminded Trixie of the slow build of a really great orgasm.

The music began, and so did she. She began by just swaying. She really didn’t have any idea what kind of dance Inanna would like, so she waited for the music to lead her. Before long, it did.

She spread her feet to shoulder width and began to move her pelvis in an erotic, pendulous rhythm. It felt right. And as she bent her knees, dropping her center of gravity lower to the floor, she felt even more right.

Something told her to move in front of the full-length mirror, and she did so without hesitation. She repeated the same motions, loving the curves and lines that her body made in the reflection. She dropped her hips farther, and slowly began to caress her torso.

She was smooth from a recent waxing, and moisturized every day. The result was that her golden skin gleamed in the candlelight. Her hair also shone, the curls catching the candlelight as well, but it was her eyes that really shone. They were usually a deep black, but they were catching the golden glow of the candles and sparkling as if they were lit from some internal flame.

She raised her hands over her head and began moving in earnest as the drum beats came quicker and quicker. She moved her feet to twist and reach, and the music took her away. As she began to reach the climax of the song, she realized that she was actually beginning to climax herself.

It wasn’t a typical male orgasm, rather something internal. A rhythmic clenching and releasing from deep inside her. She could only imagine that it was spiritual as well as physical. She was hard as a rock, but she didn’t come. Not the way she was used to anyways. Her muscles tensed and she shook as her body was rocked by something she had never experienced before.

She fell to the plush carpet, and writhed as the spasms took her body over and over again. She must have spent 10 minutes in the throes of bliss, long after the music had slowed. But there was still drumming. She could feel her heart beating, drumming inside her body in time with her Goddess.

Her offering had been accepted.