5/13

Today was my first day off in a while.. The fibro has been screaming for the past few days due to stress, long hours, and virtually no sleep. I woke up today already hurty and weak. So I decided to keep my goals easy for today: burritos, henna, and kyphi.

What I ACTUALLY did was this..

1. Finished the batch of kyphi that I’ve been working on since January.. It took me 4 sessions to hand-roll all the pellets. Maybe I should make it in smaller batches.

2. Learned how to play Portal.

3. Coated my head in henna (Caca Noir by Lush Cosmetics).

4. Trimmed trees and cut saplings in the back yard while Bear and J continued disassembling the deck. (Wet henna dripping down my face and neck the whole time)

5. Made veggie burritos with smoked tofu. Learned that I don’t really know how to cook with tofu properly.

6. Watched ‘Into the Wild’.

7. Read ‘Bear Gets Scared’.

I’d like to try to write a short entry like this every day. I’d like to track what I do to see if I can find patterns that trigger the fibro, and the goal-oriented, Type A side of my personality likes the idea of keeping track of my progress on projects. It will be relatively easy to keep up with if I keep them short. I may even make them private so as to not bore people..

2013- goals and better luck

English: Pink sunrise on snow, Wheeler Crest a...

English: Pink sunrise on snow, Wheeler Crest and Bishop Pass, viewed from Swall meadows. Mono County, Eastern Sierra, California. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In my last post, I vented about all the things that went horribly, horribly wrong last year.  And there was a lot.  It seemed neverending at times.

However, I truly am an optimist.  I tend towards stupid optimism, even.  Even when I get truly depressed and feel victimized, I usually come back around and start looking at what I can do differently to better my life.  I also tend towards a little depression/introversion/introspection in January, so this is when all of my plans begin gestating.

  1. FINISH MY DAMN NOVEL!  This has been 3 years in the making, and it’s time to write those last 30K words and just finish it.  It’s aching to be finished.  It’s actually kinda good in some ways, and will be better once I finish it and edit it.  It needs to be born.
  2. Make kyphi, and begin selling my incense.
  3. Stay spiritual.  At the very least, light a candle every full moon.
  4. Lose at least 50 lbs in 2013, more is better.  It’s definitely time that we get back into healthy eating.  For Bear’s health, for my health, for J and Little J’s health.  We all need to be healthy.
  5. Find a different second job.  I’ve been working at my parents’ shop for 18 years now, and it drives me absolutely insane.  I need to do something that doesn’t involve my family in any way whatsoever in order to save my sanity.
  6. Take a trip.  Anywhere.  Even an overnighter a few hours away.  I need to go somewhere SO badly.  I get itchy when I don’t travel for a while, and it’s just time.

I’m sure that I’ll come up with more later, but for now, these are the biggies.  I also want to remember to tell Bear how much I love him as often as possible, and make more time for us to be romantic together.

*****

Things I’m obsessed with right now:

  • The idea of using an oil diffuser as an incense stove/burner.  There are really expensive Japanese incense stoves that retail for $300+, but I can’t see why an oil diffuser with an adjustable temp would be any different.  The idea is that when you add powdered incense to smouldering charcoal, it burns too quickly, is too smoky, and then the bitter burny smell lingers.  Also, the self-igniting charcoal that most people use has a scent of its own, so it’s tough to gauge the actual scent of your incense.  With a diffuser, the incense is warmed gently, and you get to experience the full range of the scent without the charcoal smell or the scorched herb smell.
  • Starting my own YouTube channel.  J gave me a video camera for my bday, and I’m stoked to set it up and start using it.
  • Little J, our little darling.  She’s part cross-dresser, part little, part submissive, and completely lovely.  She gives me hope.
Incense. Frankincense on coal.

Incense. Frankincense on coal. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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