I just spent the entire night researching one niggling little plot point. I only wrote about 1000 words because I simply couldn’t go on without deciding this one thing..

I was SO frustrated, and SO pissed off. And then it clicked. And BOOM! All these little hanging bits of the story line started connecting almost like magnets, and making sense through this one detail. Not only that, but it adds depth to the story and gives me a focus for book #2, which is always formulating in the back of my mind.

Was my writing day satisfying? No. Am I so creatively turned on that I can’t sleep? Yes.

I love it when my story surprises me like this. 🙂


Here I am, same time of year, faced with another reason not to write..

Last year I was on day 3 of NaNo when the ovarian cysts hit.. It was pretty major..

This year my kinda grandmother passed away.. That sucks in and of itself.. I’ve been a little sad, a little teary when I get alone..

But the shit part is that I can’t make the funeral. They’re having it in Tennessee where she grew up, which totally makes sense, but it means that instead of an hour or two away from training, it would be a whole day.. My mom and sister are going, but I get to stay here and be queen asshole of the world and not be there for my family..

I don’t get to be there for the woman that took care of my grandmother as she was dying, put up with my dad’s bullshit for years, and still had plenty of love left for us.

Because I have to make a fucking living.. I have to scrape enough cash together to make bills, and maybe have a buck or two left in checking at the end of the month..

I’ve been working very hard for a very long time and haven’t been getting what I need, much less anything that I want.. I can’t even be there for my family for a goddamn funeral.

I’ve been in survival mode.

Survival mode is not conducive to writing great fiction.

Add to that various other things like training, various personal peeves, the house falling apart, and I just can’t bring myself to write more than a couple hundred words here and there.

I know I’ll kick myself repeatedly and feel even worse if I don’t finish it this year, and I AM still trying.. I just honestly don’t know if I have what it takes right now..


So yeah…

Today I wrote 2150 words.  That’s Ok.  The word goal is 1667 for Nano, but I didn’t write that much yesterday either. 

On any other days, I would be fine with that.  But this was my first weekend off in FOREVER, and I just couldn’t focus.  I did try, and sat in front of my computer for hours and hours, WANTING to write.  I would take periodic breaks to text baby girl, check Fetlife, watch BoogiePop: Phantom, and just generally fuck off. 

So while my progress was on target, I know I could have done SO much better.  And sadly, tomorrow begins my first full week of hard-core training, so I have no idea what that’s going to do to my brain.  I don’t want to fall behind.  😦


In other news, I broke 10,000 words today, and I broke 45,000 on the novel yesterday.  In the past 2 days, I’ve researched 50’s hairstyles, herbal first aid remedies, Goddesses of plenty, and had to listen to a lot of music to decide what my characters would dance to in a certain scene.  So, you know, ‘go me’ and stuff. 


I also found a thread on NaNoWriMo where you can adopt plot points, settings, characters, etc. to use in your story.  I was fucking off again, and I decided to visit it on a whim.  There I found an ‘adopt a kitsune’ thread, where people describe the kitsune up for adoption, and someone claims it, then leaves one of their own.  I adopted Maki.  Here’s her descrip:

“Maki is a little silvery fox with sky blue eyes, and she’s small enough to fit in your hand. She will congratulate you on every single word you write and will snuggle up to you when you don’t feel like writing and whisper words of encouragement to you. However, if you don’t write for a few days, be prepared to say goodbye to your caffeine intake and any sweet treats you may have. She’ll find them all. Her eyes go silver when she’s happy, and she gets along well with all helpers (I don’t have a Demon yet so I don’t know if she’ll mind them). She’d suit someone writing a romance or a young adult novel.”

Ok, I’m not writing romance, but there is a STRONG romance element in the book (stronger than I thought would be there, but I’m kind of in love with life right now, and it’s showing in the plot).

I left one in turn, and this was the description that I left:

“I’d also like to introduce Haruka. She’s dark, silky blue with long hair and golden eyes. She’s young and has 3 tails, and she’s about the size of a chihuahua. She can’t wait to see what you write, but she’s more concerned with helping you do your research. She can mostly be found with your books, and browsing the Internet for facts to help your story come alive. When she finds that perfect gem that will help your story, she will shiver with happiness all over and will be proud that she could help!

The best thing you can do is to finish your finish your story and use her little details, but if you don’t beware, because she will start eating your books in frustration.”


Usually I hate cutesy stuff, but I couldn’t resist this time.  Now I really want a pic of a silver kitsune, or a plushie or something.  I can be obsessive at times.  I know this.  :0)


NaNo update..

OK, so I haven’t been writing here.  But that’s fine.  I’ve been writing my book.  I’m at 8083 words for Nano, 45,095 all together, and I’m hoping that I have another few hundred in me before bed.  We’ll see. 

Today was supposed to be a huge day of writing, but I just couldn’t focus.  I wrote 1742, but that’s really just the barest minimum.  I was actually hoping to hit 10,000 today.  Hopefully I’ll be a little more with it tomorrow and can get to 11,000 or 12,000.  *crossing fingers*

It’s going well, aside from just not having it today.  I DID get some good research done, picking music for a Thanksgiving scene, and a 1950’s hairstyle for one of my characters.  I also introduced the first ghost scene in the book, and it was a bit tricky.  I had to decide how my version of spirits were going to behave, and so far it’s working out.  The scenes will get more intense and more frequent as I go along, and I still need to work up to that.

But I did transition from part 2 to part 3, so I can start working on a different focus and different problems.  So that’s exciting.


Yeah.  I just blathered a lot.  I don’t think I have blogging in me either tonight.  Oh well.

Every fucking time.

Every time I start getting excited about working on my novel again, someone gets horribly sick and/or dies. 

First, Dad.   Then, on the third day of NaNo last year, I had a pair of ovarian cysts burst and I was in a painkiller coma for about a week.  I was slowly starting to work on it here and there this summer, and phantom’s mom passed.  Now, here it is, NaNo time again, and I just found out that my stepmom’s mom is on her way out. 

She’s in the advanced stages of alzheimers (which is brutal), and we’ve known the end was coming for a while, but still.  It hurts.  First, because there have been so many other losses.  And second, because she was kind of my third grandmother for more than 20 years.  I’m not trying to claim it for MY tragedy, but it’s still taking a toll.

And honestly, it’s making me think about whether I should just scrap this one, because it apprently brings some bad juju with it.  :-

Anyways, I tried to write regardless today, and rallied enough to punch out 803 words.  Shit words, but words nonetheless.  My story’s getting boring, and I just have no idea about the next thing that will happen.  :-

Tomorrow’s a free day, however, no training, and I’m hoping I can knock out 3 or 4000 words.  We’ll see how that goes. 

NaNo day 1

I wrote 2948 words, which is almost twice what I would nee to write per day to get it done by Nov 30.. I’m trying to build in a cushion for myself since I don’t know how training will go..

My worries so far? I have the attention span of a brain-damaged fish. Seriously. I used to be able to focus. What the fuck happened? I kept drifting to Fetlife, Farmville, Pandora, or various other places to find something shiny.. I could have and should have written much more.. But honestly, I just couldn’t make my clicky finger stop clicking.. :-/

What sucks is that this was the day that I was supposed to get like 5000 words so I could power through the beginning.. I even took the day off for it. I guess that might not be realistic since I’m not in the habit of writing, so this got me started on what will hopefully be a habit by the end of the month. We shall see..

Another thing that’s making my goal-driven brain feverish is the set of NaNoWriMo Merit Badges.

There are categories that I’ve already managed to earn, like ‘Abusing Caffeinated Beverages’. I drank two cups of coffee today, which is not at all normal for me, so CHECK!

There’s one for making friends, padding your word count through nefarious means, and of course there’s one for finishing. They’re small, round, brightly colored, and I must earn them all.. So I can iron them onto my messenger bag.. Because the idea of them just tickles the shit out of me.. I’m THAT dorky.. 🙂

NaNo starts NOW!

Don’t judge me for starting 1/2 hr late..  There was sex to be had.  And I may not have time for sex for a few weeks, so I figured it was better to get it while I could.

I’ve lit the candles and some incense on my creativity/motivation altar, and I’m ready to go! 

My starting word count is 37,902..  That’s 37,902.  So anything past that is pure NaNo goodness.  🙂